Last night my son and I were watching a movie about WII prisoners of war. As movies go the beginning was
quite interesting and exciting. The movie depicts the sequence of events leading up to the capture of a
headquarters type soldier. One who I am sure thought that he would never see any real combat. In fact his
father, a Senator, had tried to make sure of that by getting him the placement at headquarters. The son like
most young sons though, did not fully appreciate this act of love on his fathers part. He longed for the smell of
real battle. When the chance came up to drive a captain back to the front lines he took it. He could have
ordered someone else to drive the captain back but he did not. No he thought that battle would be greener on
the other side of the hill, than it was in the black and white letters and documents he read and passed on each
day.
Hmmm! That reminds me, the greener part I mean, of something that I thought I would tell you. I will get back
to the young soldier in a minute.
The accomplishment of ones goals can sometimes take you to a place other than the one you were headed
for. For instance, you go for a drive one fine evening. You have picked a destination out for the drive but end
up in an entirely different spot. Now this new spot could be better or it could be worse and unpleasant. The
point is though that you ended up somewhere you did not intend at first to be. I am sure that if you think about
it you can come up with a time or two that this has happened to you. If not, you might give my sister a call and
ask her about it.
While on the way to work one morning she found that an abandoned truck blocked her way. She would have
to exit her driveway in a different manner than normal and would thus end up in a place other than the one she
intended or planned. Now granted that with a little help from my brother in law, she was guided to a new spot
in the street and was now able to proceed on to work. A small detour yes! Significant? Probably not. As
unplanned trips go this was not a big one. Or was it?
Things are not always as they seem. Especially when you find yourself in a Swirling Mass of Circumstances.
("SMC") Further on down the road that morning my sister met up with someone she did not know at all.
Someone she had not planned to meet that morning. Someone who under different circumstances she would
not even have said hello to if she saw him on the street. But that morning she found herself doing all she could
to get to know the guy. The guy though, had no desire to get to know her and evaded all my sisters invitations,
if not to become friends, at least to get more aquatinted.
They were both caught up in a 'SMC'. Yes, the stranger had caused an accident and my sister's only intention
was to get his insurance information. He on the other hand I am sure, was trying to keep up with his plans and
not let the "SMC" he was caught in slow him down. Thus, he left the area as soon as possible.
Neither one wanted to be at that particular spot that morning at that time but found themselves there,
nonetheless. When one finds themselves in a 'SMC' it is best to stop moving because when in a 'SMC' it is hard
to see the greater picture and it is easy to hit something. I do need to talk to my sister about 'SMC'
identification because just a few days later she tried another accident. Had she been properly instructed,
possibly she could have just stopped that morning when she saw her way blocked by the 'SMC' she was about
to step into.
I have talked on previous occasions about my desire to have the greenest lawn in my neighborhood. I had no
idea what I was getting myself into with this plan of mine. Had I been as knowledgeable as I am now maybe I
would have also just stopped. The work required for the greenest lawn is not so bad. Although, if you were to
talk to Bashoy Raub (large slave boy in Russian) you would think he had been put in a prison
camp……………………..
Hey wait! That ties in with the beginning of this story, but it is not where I planned to tie the ends
together……. What is that swirling there? Hmm!………. Should I stop?
Well as I was saying Bashoy Raub squeals like a stuck pig when it comes to my yard and the work required to
keep it looking its best. For that matter the High Commander squeals when she sees the water bill. Maybe in
some strange way they are becoming like each other?…….No! No!……Whew it was just a dream! Or was it?
Bashoy Raub has convinced his friends that I am possessed by my yard. The front yard in particular has to be
paid special attention to when mowing it. He finds my requirements a little excessive. Requirements follow!
…..
When mowing the front yard the direction mowed each time will be different. Also, the lawn will be mowed
twice each time it is mowed, in different directions, so as to make sure all grass blades are properly shortened
and the proper diamond design appears. There will be no clumps of grass left lying around the lawn. If said
clumps appear, mow it again or rake it until the clumps are gone. The lawn will never be allowed to look as
though it were un-mowed. All lawn edges will be straight and trimmed and flower beds will be weeded and
cleaned of any dirty decorative bark. The bark will be cleaned and replaced back in the beds. The lawn will be
weeded with chemicals once a week. Weekly inspections for insects will also be done.
True, these requirements take a great amount of time and effort. But the results are stunning. Many people
have asked me what I do to keep the lawn so green. Keeping Bashoy Raub fed is important I tell them, or else
he wont have the energy to keep going. Also getting to the mailbox to intercept the water bill at the first of the
month before the High Commander is high on the list. Having the greenest lawn is the answer to my dreams,
although the super bowl grounds keepers have yet to call? Hmm!…..More fertilizer? "Bashoy Raub……Come
here!"
Bashoy Raub dose not fully understand the love that I bestow on him with these requirements. He longs for
the freedom of the quiet fishing hole along the river. He longs for the company of friends who now are afraid to
show up for fear I will have them working here on some project or other. A while back I lured a few of these
friends here to help with a project. It took little more than the suggestion that there would be pizza available for
eating. Little did they know the rigors of pouring a cement driveway.
Still, during the Christmas season I am able to tell people how to get to my house by just saying look for the
house with the most lights. Likewise, during the rest of the year I can comfortably say look for the greenest
lawn. Ease of direction finding was one of the unintended things I ran into while in the 'SMC" but the most
unusual happened last night. I had no idea what the accomplishment of my goals would bring but I would soon
find out. I digress though, so lets go back to the story at the beginning. The young soldier is waiting.
The young soldier is captured by the enemy posing as friendly soldiers. He is put into a prison camp and
experiences many unpleasant things along the way. In the end though he learns much and survives his trials.
Next time he will stay away from the front lines, away from trouble! Away from driveways with crazy owners!
I am sure the young man I was choking to death in my front yard would have had many of the same thoughts
running through his mind as I twisted the chain around his neck tighter and tighter. In fact at one point he
started screaming "they are killing me….they are killing me" as loudly as anyone who is being choked to
death, can. I really had no intentions of killing him but I was hoping he would soon pass out from the lack of
something, whether it be blood or oxygen, and thus quit struggling. Let me start again so you can get the full
impact of the story.
I think you all know that I had some stuff taken from my truck a while back. Well after this experience I put up
an infra red sensor that would tell me anytime when someone entered the yard. We normally only turn this on
as we go to bed at night. It makes a ding dong sound in our bedroom when it detects something. Up unto this
point all it had caught was Bashoy Raub coming home later than he should have.
As I said, Bashoy Raub and I were watching a movie last night. At about the half way point or at about 10:30
PM, we were sitting at the dinning room table eating snacks while watching. We heard the front door open. It
seemed strange that the High Commander would be opening the door at that time of night. What was even
stranger was when she started screaming that something was wrong and to come here. There was some
urgency to her voice so I was at the door faster than I thought I could be. Adrenaline is an amazing drug!
To back up a bit……Natalya had gone to bed and had turned the infra red receiver on. Soon there after she
heard it ding dong. Thus her reason for opening the front door.
I saw an individual dressed in black with a black face mask on, standing by the front of my truck. As I came out
the door he raised his hands in the air in a, at least what I perceived as a, threatening manner. Not knowing
what weapons he might have other than the flashlight he had in his hand, and being already to close to him to
retreat if it were a gun, I rushed forward and tackled him. I was yelling a few choice words at him and
suggesting he might stop struggling. He was yelling back at me that he was only here picking mushrooms. I
was momentarily stunned by these words not knowing that mushrooms grew in cement. Knowing though that
the High Commander loved mushrooms and would want me to protect them I wrestled on.
I wanted to try and control his hands but at the same time did not want him to get away which was a very big
possibility at that point. I was struggling with him for what seemed like quite a while when Bashoy Raub came
out the door. I am sure it was mere seconds but seemed much longer. I told Bashoy Raub to go get a gun and
told The High Commander to call 911. Soon the High Comander was back screaming into the phone that I was
going to kill the guy or he might kill me, could they please send someone to help. She also was yelling at the
guy and doing something to him although I was a bit busy at the time to be very precise in my observations.
Whatever she was doing, whether KGB secret torture or not, it did not have much affect on the guy. During the
first moments of my struggle with the Mushroom Picker my right hand came into contact with the previously
mentioned chain around his neck. I held tight to the chain and started twisting it as hard as I could. This did
gain me a good measure of control. Bashoy Raub soon came out and said that he could not find the gun I
asked for. "OK help me keep control of this guy until the cops come then," I said.
Due to the pallid look on the Mushroom Pickers face, Bashoy Raub mentioned that I might want to let up on
the chain else I kill the guy. I told him and the guy I had no intention of doing this until the guy quit struggling. I
was not going to loosen my grip on him. Still not knowing what weapons he might have. I was not sure what a
Mushroom Picker might carry.
Sometime around here I saw a neighbor come out his door as you might expect in a situation like this when I
am sure it sound like a full on fight at a bar with all of the same language and noise as you might expect. I
requested his help and he was soon there. The Mushroom Picker did relax some at this point as much from the
lack of life giving nutrients as from the extra man power arriving to help control him. My neighbor ordered him
to quit struggling and get on the ground. Quite forcefully I might add. I let go of the guy and he complied.
Soon though he tried to get up and get away. I tackled him to the ground again but was not holding the chain.
He made a move to his pocket. I got my arm around his neck again and really started to try and choke him out.
I think he was very near passing out, and soon started bleeding from his nose and mouth.
I let go of his neck here and Bashoy Raub and I got his arms around behind his back. To emphasize things I
gave his arm a strong pull upward inflicting as much pain as necessary to get my point across. Several sheriffs
finally showed up and took over the Mushroom Picker.
Now here is where it all ties into the stories I told at the beginning of the writing here. The Mushroom Picker
kept yelling that he was only out looking for mushrooms. "Why were you looking for mushrooms here?" the
Sheriff asked him. He said, …….(Now Pay Attention, listen to what he said…..Are you listening?) He said,
"because the lawn was so green." At least the Mushroom Picker was observant. Who thought it would attract
Mushroom Pickers. You see what I mean about unintended circumstances. About 'SMC's causing you to run
into things?
Well the Mushroom Picker did have a criminal record and the Police found a screw driver and pliers and
something else in his backpack that evades me at this point. They charged him with, Criminal Trespass……Car
Prowl…..and Having possession of burglary tools. I wanted them to charge him with Assault but being that he
was the only one to have grievous bodily injuries, and that the slight injuries I had came from holding him they
thought it would not hold.
I now worry about other people the green oasis in my front yard might attract. Camel caravans maybe? Don't
laugh, up until now I would have never thought it would attract mushroom pickers. Chlorophyll Collectors?
Superbowl grounds keepers? One can only hope!
quite interesting and exciting. The movie depicts the sequence of events leading up to the capture of a
headquarters type soldier. One who I am sure thought that he would never see any real combat. In fact his
father, a Senator, had tried to make sure of that by getting him the placement at headquarters. The son like
most young sons though, did not fully appreciate this act of love on his fathers part. He longed for the smell of
real battle. When the chance came up to drive a captain back to the front lines he took it. He could have
ordered someone else to drive the captain back but he did not. No he thought that battle would be greener on
the other side of the hill, than it was in the black and white letters and documents he read and passed on each
day.
Hmmm! That reminds me, the greener part I mean, of something that I thought I would tell you. I will get back
to the young soldier in a minute.
The accomplishment of ones goals can sometimes take you to a place other than the one you were headed
for. For instance, you go for a drive one fine evening. You have picked a destination out for the drive but end
up in an entirely different spot. Now this new spot could be better or it could be worse and unpleasant. The
point is though that you ended up somewhere you did not intend at first to be. I am sure that if you think about
it you can come up with a time or two that this has happened to you. If not, you might give my sister a call and
ask her about it.
While on the way to work one morning she found that an abandoned truck blocked her way. She would have
to exit her driveway in a different manner than normal and would thus end up in a place other than the one she
intended or planned. Now granted that with a little help from my brother in law, she was guided to a new spot
in the street and was now able to proceed on to work. A small detour yes! Significant? Probably not. As
unplanned trips go this was not a big one. Or was it?
Things are not always as they seem. Especially when you find yourself in a Swirling Mass of Circumstances.
("SMC") Further on down the road that morning my sister met up with someone she did not know at all.
Someone she had not planned to meet that morning. Someone who under different circumstances she would
not even have said hello to if she saw him on the street. But that morning she found herself doing all she could
to get to know the guy. The guy though, had no desire to get to know her and evaded all my sisters invitations,
if not to become friends, at least to get more aquatinted.
They were both caught up in a 'SMC'. Yes, the stranger had caused an accident and my sister's only intention
was to get his insurance information. He on the other hand I am sure, was trying to keep up with his plans and
not let the "SMC" he was caught in slow him down. Thus, he left the area as soon as possible.
Neither one wanted to be at that particular spot that morning at that time but found themselves there,
nonetheless. When one finds themselves in a 'SMC' it is best to stop moving because when in a 'SMC' it is hard
to see the greater picture and it is easy to hit something. I do need to talk to my sister about 'SMC'
identification because just a few days later she tried another accident. Had she been properly instructed,
possibly she could have just stopped that morning when she saw her way blocked by the 'SMC' she was about
to step into.
I have talked on previous occasions about my desire to have the greenest lawn in my neighborhood. I had no
idea what I was getting myself into with this plan of mine. Had I been as knowledgeable as I am now maybe I
would have also just stopped. The work required for the greenest lawn is not so bad. Although, if you were to
talk to Bashoy Raub (large slave boy in Russian) you would think he had been put in a prison
camp……………………..
Hey wait! That ties in with the beginning of this story, but it is not where I planned to tie the ends
together……. What is that swirling there? Hmm!………. Should I stop?
Well as I was saying Bashoy Raub squeals like a stuck pig when it comes to my yard and the work required to
keep it looking its best. For that matter the High Commander squeals when she sees the water bill. Maybe in
some strange way they are becoming like each other?…….No! No!……Whew it was just a dream! Or was it?
Bashoy Raub has convinced his friends that I am possessed by my yard. The front yard in particular has to be
paid special attention to when mowing it. He finds my requirements a little excessive. Requirements follow!
…..
When mowing the front yard the direction mowed each time will be different. Also, the lawn will be mowed
twice each time it is mowed, in different directions, so as to make sure all grass blades are properly shortened
and the proper diamond design appears. There will be no clumps of grass left lying around the lawn. If said
clumps appear, mow it again or rake it until the clumps are gone. The lawn will never be allowed to look as
though it were un-mowed. All lawn edges will be straight and trimmed and flower beds will be weeded and
cleaned of any dirty decorative bark. The bark will be cleaned and replaced back in the beds. The lawn will be
weeded with chemicals once a week. Weekly inspections for insects will also be done.
True, these requirements take a great amount of time and effort. But the results are stunning. Many people
have asked me what I do to keep the lawn so green. Keeping Bashoy Raub fed is important I tell them, or else
he wont have the energy to keep going. Also getting to the mailbox to intercept the water bill at the first of the
month before the High Commander is high on the list. Having the greenest lawn is the answer to my dreams,
although the super bowl grounds keepers have yet to call? Hmm!…..More fertilizer? "Bashoy Raub……Come
here!"
Bashoy Raub dose not fully understand the love that I bestow on him with these requirements. He longs for
the freedom of the quiet fishing hole along the river. He longs for the company of friends who now are afraid to
show up for fear I will have them working here on some project or other. A while back I lured a few of these
friends here to help with a project. It took little more than the suggestion that there would be pizza available for
eating. Little did they know the rigors of pouring a cement driveway.
Still, during the Christmas season I am able to tell people how to get to my house by just saying look for the
house with the most lights. Likewise, during the rest of the year I can comfortably say look for the greenest
lawn. Ease of direction finding was one of the unintended things I ran into while in the 'SMC" but the most
unusual happened last night. I had no idea what the accomplishment of my goals would bring but I would soon
find out. I digress though, so lets go back to the story at the beginning. The young soldier is waiting.
The young soldier is captured by the enemy posing as friendly soldiers. He is put into a prison camp and
experiences many unpleasant things along the way. In the end though he learns much and survives his trials.
Next time he will stay away from the front lines, away from trouble! Away from driveways with crazy owners!
I am sure the young man I was choking to death in my front yard would have had many of the same thoughts
running through his mind as I twisted the chain around his neck tighter and tighter. In fact at one point he
started screaming "they are killing me….they are killing me" as loudly as anyone who is being choked to
death, can. I really had no intentions of killing him but I was hoping he would soon pass out from the lack of
something, whether it be blood or oxygen, and thus quit struggling. Let me start again so you can get the full
impact of the story.
I think you all know that I had some stuff taken from my truck a while back. Well after this experience I put up
an infra red sensor that would tell me anytime when someone entered the yard. We normally only turn this on
as we go to bed at night. It makes a ding dong sound in our bedroom when it detects something. Up unto this
point all it had caught was Bashoy Raub coming home later than he should have.
As I said, Bashoy Raub and I were watching a movie last night. At about the half way point or at about 10:30
PM, we were sitting at the dinning room table eating snacks while watching. We heard the front door open. It
seemed strange that the High Commander would be opening the door at that time of night. What was even
stranger was when she started screaming that something was wrong and to come here. There was some
urgency to her voice so I was at the door faster than I thought I could be. Adrenaline is an amazing drug!
To back up a bit……Natalya had gone to bed and had turned the infra red receiver on. Soon there after she
heard it ding dong. Thus her reason for opening the front door.
I saw an individual dressed in black with a black face mask on, standing by the front of my truck. As I came out
the door he raised his hands in the air in a, at least what I perceived as a, threatening manner. Not knowing
what weapons he might have other than the flashlight he had in his hand, and being already to close to him to
retreat if it were a gun, I rushed forward and tackled him. I was yelling a few choice words at him and
suggesting he might stop struggling. He was yelling back at me that he was only here picking mushrooms. I
was momentarily stunned by these words not knowing that mushrooms grew in cement. Knowing though that
the High Commander loved mushrooms and would want me to protect them I wrestled on.
I wanted to try and control his hands but at the same time did not want him to get away which was a very big
possibility at that point. I was struggling with him for what seemed like quite a while when Bashoy Raub came
out the door. I am sure it was mere seconds but seemed much longer. I told Bashoy Raub to go get a gun and
told The High Commander to call 911. Soon the High Comander was back screaming into the phone that I was
going to kill the guy or he might kill me, could they please send someone to help. She also was yelling at the
guy and doing something to him although I was a bit busy at the time to be very precise in my observations.
Whatever she was doing, whether KGB secret torture or not, it did not have much affect on the guy. During the
first moments of my struggle with the Mushroom Picker my right hand came into contact with the previously
mentioned chain around his neck. I held tight to the chain and started twisting it as hard as I could. This did
gain me a good measure of control. Bashoy Raub soon came out and said that he could not find the gun I
asked for. "OK help me keep control of this guy until the cops come then," I said.
Due to the pallid look on the Mushroom Pickers face, Bashoy Raub mentioned that I might want to let up on
the chain else I kill the guy. I told him and the guy I had no intention of doing this until the guy quit struggling. I
was not going to loosen my grip on him. Still not knowing what weapons he might have. I was not sure what a
Mushroom Picker might carry.
Sometime around here I saw a neighbor come out his door as you might expect in a situation like this when I
am sure it sound like a full on fight at a bar with all of the same language and noise as you might expect. I
requested his help and he was soon there. The Mushroom Picker did relax some at this point as much from the
lack of life giving nutrients as from the extra man power arriving to help control him. My neighbor ordered him
to quit struggling and get on the ground. Quite forcefully I might add. I let go of the guy and he complied.
Soon though he tried to get up and get away. I tackled him to the ground again but was not holding the chain.
He made a move to his pocket. I got my arm around his neck again and really started to try and choke him out.
I think he was very near passing out, and soon started bleeding from his nose and mouth.
I let go of his neck here and Bashoy Raub and I got his arms around behind his back. To emphasize things I
gave his arm a strong pull upward inflicting as much pain as necessary to get my point across. Several sheriffs
finally showed up and took over the Mushroom Picker.
Now here is where it all ties into the stories I told at the beginning of the writing here. The Mushroom Picker
kept yelling that he was only out looking for mushrooms. "Why were you looking for mushrooms here?" the
Sheriff asked him. He said, …….(Now Pay Attention, listen to what he said…..Are you listening?) He said,
"because the lawn was so green." At least the Mushroom Picker was observant. Who thought it would attract
Mushroom Pickers. You see what I mean about unintended circumstances. About 'SMC's causing you to run
into things?
Well the Mushroom Picker did have a criminal record and the Police found a screw driver and pliers and
something else in his backpack that evades me at this point. They charged him with, Criminal Trespass……Car
Prowl…..and Having possession of burglary tools. I wanted them to charge him with Assault but being that he
was the only one to have grievous bodily injuries, and that the slight injuries I had came from holding him they
thought it would not hold.
I now worry about other people the green oasis in my front yard might attract. Camel caravans maybe? Don't
laugh, up until now I would have never thought it would attract mushroom pickers. Chlorophyll Collectors?
Superbowl grounds keepers? One can only hope!
The Mushroom Picker
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